| Preface: Why This Book? |
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xiii | |
| A Note about Family |
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xiv | |
| Introduction |
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xv | |
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Chapter 1 The Journey through Separation |
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1 | (18) |
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How Conflict Keeps Us Connected |
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1 | (2) |
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What It Means to Uncouple |
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3 | (2) |
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Separating "Spouse Mind" from "Parent Mind" |
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5 | (2) |
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Key to Healing: Avoiding or Managing Triggers, Rage, and Meltdowns |
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7 | (3) |
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Crafting a Separation Story: What Do We Tell the Neighbors? |
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10 | (2) |
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High Conflict: When Your Ex Is Stuck in Blame or Anger and Won't Talk to You |
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12 | (3) |
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Grief Isn't a Straight Path: Anger, Tears, and Acceptance |
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15 | (1) |
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Forgiveness: Is It Worth It? Is It Possible? |
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16 | (3) |
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Chapter 2 The Journey from Parenting Together to Co-Parenting Apart |
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19 | (16) |
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Parents' Feelings: Pacing the Process |
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19 | (1) |
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How Separation Impacts Parenting Style |
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20 | (4) |
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24 | (2) |
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Stepping Up and Stepping In |
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26 | (2) |
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The Value of Two Good-Enough Parents |
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28 | (2) |
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Co-Parenting as Allies, Not Enemies |
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30 | (1) |
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31 | (2) |
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33 | (2) |
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Chapter 3 The Journey through Separation for Kids |
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35 | (22) |
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Child Development and Adjusting to Separation |
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35 | (2) |
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What Your Child Needs Most (At Any Age) |
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37 | (1) |
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Don't Kids Deserve the Truth? Actually, No |
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38 | (1) |
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Explaining Separation in Kid Language |
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39 | (2) |
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Kids Caught in the Middle of Parental Conflict |
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41 | (3) |
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Fanning the Fire of Parental Conflict |
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44 | (1) |
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Kids as Spy or Private Eye: An Unhealthy Alliance |
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45 | (1) |
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Tips to Protect Kids from Parental Conflict |
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45 | (2) |
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Helping Children Work through Emotions |
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47 | (4) |
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When We Feel Too Much for Our Kids: Compassion Traps |
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51 | (1) |
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Answering Kids' Difficult Questions |
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52 | (5) |
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Chapter 4 Settling into a Two-Home Family |
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57 | (28) |
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Building a Secure Home Base in a Two-Home Family |
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57 | (3) |
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Two 100 Percent Parents on a Parenting Schedule |
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60 | (2) |
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A Clear Residential Schedule |
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62 | (3) |
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Guidelines for Managing Your Residential Schedule |
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65 | (3) |
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The Complexity of Co-Parenting Long Distance |
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68 | (3) |
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Child-Centered Transitions |
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71 | (3) |
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Good Co-Parenting Hygiene: Rules for the Co-Parenting Road |
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74 | (5) |
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Sovereign Time: Independent Parenting |
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79 | (3) |
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Helping Grandparents and Extended Family Join the Team |
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82 | (1) |
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What about Miss Kitty and Fido? |
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83 | (2) |
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Chapter 5 Communication Protocols that Work |
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85 | (24) |
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The Five Cs that Guide Respectful Communication |
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88 | (4) |
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92 | (11) |
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103 | (3) |
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106 | (3) |
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Chapter 6 Decision Making |
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109 | (20) |
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CEOs: Co-Parent Executive Officers |
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109 | (3) |
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Joint Decisions Made Jointly |
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112 | (2) |
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"Your Dad and I," "Your Mom and I" |
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114 | (2) |
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Day-to-Day Decision Making |
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116 | (4) |
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120 | (2) |
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122 | (1) |
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Kids and Co-Parenting Decisions |
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122 | (3) |
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Child Care: Babysitters and Leaving Older Children Home Alone |
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125 | (4) |
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Chapter 7 Managing Finances |
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129 | (18) |
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CFOs: Co-Parent Financial Officers |
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130 | (1) |
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Educate Yourself: Co-Design a Plan and Implement with Integrity |
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131 | (6) |
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137 | (3) |
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140 | (3) |
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143 | (1) |
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Holidays, Birthdays, and Gifts |
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144 | (3) |
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Chapter 8 Co-Parenting at Holidays and Life-Cycle Events |
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147 | (16) |
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New Family Rituals Evolve over Time |
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147 | (8) |
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155 | (4) |
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159 | (4) |
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Chapter 9 Co-Parenting in Public Spaces |
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163 | (14) |
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163 | (2) |
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Sports and Extracurricular Activities |
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165 | (2) |
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167 | (2) |
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Faith-Community and Religious Practices |
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169 | (3) |
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Primary Health-Care and Dental Appointments |
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172 | (1) |
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173 | (1) |
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Playmates and Their Families |
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174 | (1) |
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Other Family Events in Public Spaces |
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175 | (2) |
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Chapter 10 New Adults in Your Children's Lives |
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177 | (18) |
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177 | (2) |
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Introducing New Romantic Partners |
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179 | (2) |
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181 | (1) |
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Timing, Pacing, and Adjustment |
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182 | (6) |
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188 | (1) |
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Romantic Partner or Stepparent? |
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189 | (3) |
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New Partners at Kid-Centered Public Events |
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192 | (3) |
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Chapter 11 The Co-Parenting Relationship: Skill, Acceptance, and Maturity |
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195 | (26) |
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Co-Parenting Relationships Develop over Time |
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195 | (4) |
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Impact of Changes in Circumstance |
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199 | (2) |
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201 | (2) |
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203 | (5) |
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What If I Worry that My Children Are Unsafe? |
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208 | (1) |
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The Key to a Difficult Co-Parent: Acceptance |
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209 | (12) |
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Chapter 12 Raising Well-Adjusted and Resilient Kids in a Two-Home Family |
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221 | (16) |
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Rebuild a Sense of Family Fun |
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221 | (2) |
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Believe Your Kids Will Do Great Things |
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223 | (1) |
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Love: The Balance of Nurturing and Discipline |
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224 | (1) |
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Involve Kids While Protecting Childhood |
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225 | (1) |
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Protect Your Children from Adult Problems |
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226 | (1) |
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The Seven Cs: Helping Kids Build Resilience |
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227 | (8) |
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Give Kids the Gift of a Happy Parent |
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235 | (2) |
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237 | (2) |
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239 | (24) |
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239 | (3) |
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Transition Communication Checklist |
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242 | (1) |
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Co-Parent Business Meeting Checklist |
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243 | (2) |
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245 | (1) |
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What to Tell the Kids about a High-Conflict Co-Parent: Teach Four Big Skills |
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246 | (2) |
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Children and Chores: Suggestions for Tasks that Build Children's Skills and Confidence |
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248 | (1) |
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How Do I Get My Ex to Accept a New Stepparent for Our Kids? |
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249 | (2) |
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Choosing a Family Law Attorney |
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251 | (2) |
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Changing Your Parenting Plan: What to Consider When Things Aren't Going Well |
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253 | (4) |
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Inadvertently Harming Your Child's Relationship with the Other Parent |
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257 | (6) |
| Index |
|
263 | |