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The co-parenting handbook : raising well-adjusted and resilient kids from little ones to young adults through divorce or separation
2017
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"A practical manual for parents transitioning from being a married couple with children to being solely co-parents together. This guide helps them navigate difficult emotional terrain, create boundaries, and establish guidelines so that together they canbe the parents their children deserve. The Co-Parenting Handbookhelps parents confidently take on the challenges of raising children when they live in separate homes. Addressing parents' questions about the emotional impact of separation, conflict, grief, and recovery, the author skillfully provides a roadmap for all members of the family to constructively navigate through separation/divorce and beyond. Through practical and reassuring guidance, parents discover how to move on from being angry and hurt partners to constructive, successful co-parents who are able to put their children's needs first"-- - (Baker & Taylor)

"A practical manual for parents who are transitioning from being a couple with children to being co-parents. This guide helps those parents navigate difficult emotional terrain, create boundaries, and establish guidelines so that together they can be theparents their children deserve"-- - (Baker & Taylor)

A valuable parenting guide for divorced or separated couples with kids, this handbook offers tools for navigating conflicts and setting boundaries so both children and co-parents can thrive

Parents need help to confidently take on the challenges of guiding children through divorce or separation and raising them skillfully in 2 homes. The authors, both trusted divorce and co-parenting coaches, provide the road map for all family members to safely navigate the difficult emotional terrain through separation/divorce and beyond.

The authors offer reassuring well-tested guidance, including advice on:

• The emotional impact of separation for both parents and kids
• Conflict and mediation
• Settling into a 2-home family
• Respectful communication and decision making
• Managing finances
• Co-parenting at holidays and events
• Introducing new adults into children’s lives

With strategies to help resolve day-to-day issues, create boundaries, and establish guidelines for a wide range of families and experiences, this accessible manual is a must have for co-parents. - (Random House, Inc.)

Table of Contents

Preface: Why This Book? xiii
A Note about Family xiv
Introduction xv
Chapter 1 The Journey through Separation
1(18)
How Conflict Keeps Us Connected
1(2)
What It Means to Uncouple
3(2)
Separating "Spouse Mind" from "Parent Mind"
5(2)
Key to Healing: Avoiding or Managing Triggers, Rage, and Meltdowns
7(3)
Crafting a Separation Story: What Do We Tell the Neighbors?
10(2)
High Conflict: When Your Ex Is Stuck in Blame or Anger and Won't Talk to You
12(3)
Grief Isn't a Straight Path: Anger, Tears, and Acceptance
15(1)
Forgiveness: Is It Worth It? Is It Possible?
16(3)
Chapter 2 The Journey from Parenting Together to Co-Parenting Apart
19(16)
Parents' Feelings: Pacing the Process
19(1)
How Separation Impacts Parenting Style
20(4)
Gatekeeping
24(2)
Stepping Up and Stepping In
26(2)
The Value of Two Good-Enough Parents
28(2)
Co-Parenting as Allies, Not Enemies
30(1)
Co-Parenting Goals
31(2)
Your Co-Parenting Goals
33(2)
Chapter 3 The Journey through Separation for Kids
35(22)
Child Development and Adjusting to Separation
35(2)
What Your Child Needs Most (At Any Age)
37(1)
Don't Kids Deserve the Truth? Actually, No
38(1)
Explaining Separation in Kid Language
39(2)
Kids Caught in the Middle of Parental Conflict
41(3)
Fanning the Fire of Parental Conflict
44(1)
Kids as Spy or Private Eye: An Unhealthy Alliance
45(1)
Tips to Protect Kids from Parental Conflict
45(2)
Helping Children Work through Emotions
47(4)
When We Feel Too Much for Our Kids: Compassion Traps
51(1)
Answering Kids' Difficult Questions
52(5)
Chapter 4 Settling into a Two-Home Family
57(28)
Building a Secure Home Base in a Two-Home Family
57(3)
Two 100 Percent Parents on a Parenting Schedule
60(2)
A Clear Residential Schedule
62(3)
Guidelines for Managing Your Residential Schedule
65(3)
The Complexity of Co-Parenting Long Distance
68(3)
Child-Centered Transitions
71(3)
Good Co-Parenting Hygiene: Rules for the Co-Parenting Road
74(5)
Sovereign Time: Independent Parenting
79(3)
Helping Grandparents and Extended Family Join the Team
82(1)
What about Miss Kitty and Fido?
83(2)
Chapter 5 Communication Protocols that Work
85(24)
The Five Cs that Guide Respectful Communication
88(4)
Communication Protocols
92(11)
Modes of Communication
103(3)
Kids and Communication
106(3)
Chapter 6 Decision Making
109(20)
CEOs: Co-Parent Executive Officers
109(3)
Joint Decisions Made Jointly
112(2)
"Your Dad and I," "Your Mom and I"
114(2)
Day-to-Day Decision Making
116(4)
Responsible Informing
120(2)
Emergency Decisions
122(1)
Kids and Co-Parenting Decisions
122(3)
Child Care: Babysitters and Leaving Older Children Home Alone
125(4)
Chapter 7 Managing Finances
129(18)
CFOs: Co-Parent Financial Officers
130(1)
Educate Yourself: Co-Design a Plan and Implement with Integrity
131(6)
Anticipating Expenses
137(3)
Kids and Money Matters
140(3)
Clothing and Budgets
143(1)
Holidays, Birthdays, and Gifts
144(3)
Chapter 8 Co-Parenting at Holidays and Life-Cycle Events
147(16)
New Family Rituals Evolve over Time
147(8)
What about Birthdays?
155(4)
More Special Occasions
159(4)
Chapter 9 Co-Parenting in Public Spaces
163(14)
Emotional Readiness
163(2)
Sports and Extracurricular Activities
165(2)
School and School Events
167(2)
Faith-Community and Religious Practices
169(3)
Primary Health-Care and Dental Appointments
172(1)
Peer Birthday Parties
173(1)
Playmates and Their Families
174(1)
Other Family Events in Public Spaces
175(2)
Chapter 10 New Adults in Your Children's Lives
177(18)
Adult Relationships 101
177(2)
Introducing New Romantic Partners
179(2)
Growth and Development
181(1)
Timing, Pacing, and Adjustment
182(6)
Adult Sleepovers
188(1)
Romantic Partner or Stepparent?
189(3)
New Partners at Kid-Centered Public Events
192(3)
Chapter 11 The Co-Parenting Relationship: Skill, Acceptance, and Maturity
195(26)
Co-Parenting Relationships Develop over Time
195(4)
Impact of Changes in Circumstance
199(2)
Co-Parent Skills
201(2)
Co-Parent Styles
203(5)
What If I Worry that My Children Are Unsafe?
208(1)
The Key to a Difficult Co-Parent: Acceptance
209(12)
Chapter 12 Raising Well-Adjusted and Resilient Kids in a Two-Home Family
221(16)
Rebuild a Sense of Family Fun
221(2)
Believe Your Kids Will Do Great Things
223(1)
Love: The Balance of Nurturing and Discipline
224(1)
Involve Kids While Protecting Childhood
225(1)
Protect Your Children from Adult Problems
226(1)
The Seven Cs: Helping Kids Build Resilience
227(8)
Give Kids the Gift of a Happy Parent
235(2)
Acknowledgments
237(2)
Appendix
239(24)
Additional Resources
239(3)
Transition Communication Checklist
242(1)
Co-Parent Business Meeting Checklist
243(2)
Signs of Kid Distress
245(1)
What to Tell the Kids about a High-Conflict Co-Parent: Teach Four Big Skills
246(2)
Children and Chores: Suggestions for Tasks that Build Children's Skills and Confidence
248(1)
How Do I Get My Ex to Accept a New Stepparent for Our Kids?
249(2)
Choosing a Family Law Attorney
251(2)
Changing Your Parenting Plan: What to Consider When Things Aren't Going Well
253(4)
Inadvertently Harming Your Child's Relationship with the Other Parent
257(6)
Index 263

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